I remember my first two weeks at the ranch. I felt alone and misunderstood, like everyone was
living in their own world, not paying attention to how I felt. “They don’t like me”, I thought over and over again. Many times I considered going back to Amsterdam, where all my friends and family
are. But after some good thought and talks, I decided to stay. People usually need two or three weeks to settle in and get over “the hump”, I was told.
As I talked more often to the people here, and got to know them better, I understood that my previous perspective on the ranch was wrong. It wasn’t that the people here didn’t like me, and I wasn’t understood. Everyone was busy with their own personal project, trying to understand themselves before trying to understand their surroundings. Individual development, one of the keywords at the ranch, along with having responsibilities, taking initiative and eventually, taking charge. Once I understood that, I didn’t felt alone any more. I could finally start my own project, figure out what my goals and purposes are, what I want and need in life. Nice words and ideas, I know. But actually having a goal, feeling the purpose of what you doing, and being able to truly reflect on your life, gives a feeling of empowerment and independency. Like you finally control your own life.
So, my project started and suddenly I noticed that the people here understood my struggle, and that they have understood it all the time, since they’ve been through it themselves. When Kevan asked me just days after my arrival: “Who is the most important person in your life?”, I wasn’t able to answer it. I remember thinking: “How can I just pick one important person? That’s not possible!”. Now, I realize that the right answer is “me”. It took me a while to know that putting yourself first is not selfish. After all, you can’t take care of your environment if you can’t take care of yourself. Three weeks later, I got over the hump, not knowing that there were many more humps to come.
Elke, Netherlands